Over the last few weeks things have been very serious ‘on the try line’ and I thought this week I’d lighten the mood.
Today’s topic is something that’s rather personal to me. It’s all about growing beards. I did some research this week and apparently in a day-to-day conference you could call me Noobrabaham Lincoln because of my inability to grow any sort of beard that makes me look like an adult. So today I’d like to celebrate some of the better cookie dusters in the NRL in the past 5 years. I’ve happily named this list Team Galifianakis because the man grows a beard whilst waiting for the bus. Without further ado here is the starting line-up for Team Galifianakis.
At number 1 is the current fullback for the Tigers – Wade McKinnon. Look at that solid patch of elevated pubic hair? This picture was taken during the ‘season of beard growing’ they had at the Warriors in 2009 (what am I saying? Every year is the ‘season of beard growing’ at the Warriors). I’m certain McKinnon grew this thing as a way of saying “look everybody, I may have boy like features but I can grow this super Man-like beard”. The same could be said about his random tattoos.
At number 2, on the wing we have David ‘Wolf-man’ Williams. This photo was taken during the ‘women of league’ round so David had a reason to change it to pink, right? I mean it’s not because the guy is a walking tool? Wolf-man’s beard became such a commodity that nobody even noticed that the guy can’t even play football. People become obsessed and missed every time he dropped the ball, saying things like “well it’s lucky he has such a great soup strainer”.
Our first centre is Michael Jennings. Jennings beard is so perfectly trimmed you’d think he went to Ella Rouge to get it done. Jennings started growing his beard this season and from what I can tell he hasn’t had the best one so far, so maybe it’s time to shave off the old face Velcro. Better yet maybe Gus Gould should take him to the same beautician who has been dying his hair for 25 years…have you seen that thing? Father Christmas came early to the mountains this year. Anyway I digress…
Simon Mannering was also part of the ‘Season of the Beard’ at the Warriors. I’m sorry but I have no silly comment to make about his nut duster so I’ll move onto a man that needs no introduction.
Big Manu ‘Monster’ Vatuvai has one of the best nicknames in the NRL. You don’t get given a nickname like Monster and not have the game to back it up (hence why Willie Mason never got given it). Not only does he have a great nickname but his face fluff is in perfect symmetry with his head. Creating what I like to call a ‘Rounder Beard’. This is where the head hair meets the facial hair at a perfect point to create a solid round shape for your head.
Playing a little bit out of position in Team Galifianakis is Greg Inglis. The best part about GI’s beard is that it takes only 80 minutes to grow, like one of those midday infomercials. “That’s right folks; you can have this beard from kick off to last whistle”. I swear I see him clean shaven at the start of every match. It’s scary and very depressing for me being a Noobraham Lincoln.
I know why Jonathon Thurston grew his Cat Stevens like-beard, its so referees couldn’t hear him when he was throwing curses there way. It’s the perfect covering. Or maybe he grew it to offset the fact that when he wears his headgear his hair sprays out like it’s trying to escape from the blob. Its time to shave the mop JT, I think Jennings knows a good beautician?
No, that’s not Jake Da Muss its former front rower for the Warriors Ruben Wiki, although you could be forgiven for that mistake. The only fun fact I have about Wiki is that I went on Ruben Wikis Wiki (mouthful), I found out that the name for his much awaited book was called…wait for it…Ruben Wiki. That must have had the publisher stumped for days coming up with that title.
Don’t be fooled people…Cameron Smith only has a beard because he cannot shave the small ‘bum like’ section he has on his chin. He would look really weird clean shaven with an arse like hole on his face – complete with hair. So ‘Cam’ grows his beard, unlike his name which was shortened after his first few years in the spotlight.
Is that a forest fire? No it’s just Brad Meyers and his boycott on anything that cuts hair. Honestly once tackled he resembles a fireworks factory exploding with hair and ash everywhere. Under that beard he actually looks like this .Crazy huh?
Don’t laugh at this but Steve Southern actually grows his beard because it’s safer that way. You tell me what’s better: SPF 30+ sun cream or a bush fire-like beard to protect your skin from melanoma? This isn’t funny guys…some thigh ticklers are grown for safety’s sake.
Isn’t it better to grow a beard before you lose your job than after they fire you? I’m sure that’s what Kirk Reynoldson thought when Newcastle where going to give him the boot. He figured he was going to be unemployed soon so why not make the people at Centrelink think you are one of them? Good plan there Kirky.
Dallas Johnson would be the captain of our team. His facial fluff is thick but he doesn’t look like a homeless person. It’s trimmed but not enough to make you think he went to the Jennings school of beauty. It’s Man-like but the fact that he performs 675 tacklers per game suggests that anyway. Plus his name is Dallas, if there ever was a man in the NRL worthy of a beard it’s anyone named after an American city.
Few points before I leave you:
- Searched the internet for a long time trying to find other nicknames for beards. I’ve put 9 in this article. See if you can find them all.
- I also searched for a name for someone who can’t grow a beard very well and only found 2 in ‘Noobraham Lincoln’ and ‘douche fag’. You can see why I went with the first.
- If you have any more nicknames for beards please put them in the comments so I can add them to the article.
- I need to find 4 bench players, thoughts?
I thought I’d use this small amount of space to tell you about a few things coming up ‘on the try line’ for subscribers and casual readers.
- State of Origin Part 3 – My Queensland Dream Team
- The Gibson Roster – A list of players ‘On The Try Line’ have kept a close eye on
- Hero’s and Spines – Who and what does your team rely on?
- Dally M live diary – 3 shady characters running through the shambles of the Dally M Awards Evening
Also next year we are hoping to implement a few of the following features
- A complete website overhaul
- A classic footy tipping competition with an ‘On The Try Line’ twist
- ‘On The Try Line Dream and Nightmare Teams’ – the ultimate NRL fantasy competition
So stay tuned for all those great things coming your way ‘on the try line’.